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Revised Essay

Gekkie

Friday, Mar 18, 2016 - 02:51:57 am

@ 風鳴る翼

Having an afterlife, especially a comfortable one is an important belief throughout ancient Chinese history. Families did not want their deceased loved ones to suffer in the yellow springs; a fictional location of immeasurable graves and where spirits congregated.[1] They brought along objects with them to their deathbed so that they are able to continue having them in Read more →

Categories: Journal
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Sujatha Meegama
You have asked an excellent question that I sadly don't have a good answer to give. Visual Analysis is powerful in the present tense. So, write in the present tense. You don't need footnote 3. Can the second paragraph be edited a bit more and merged with the first? Thesis statement: "Although they both are represented in life size, each with great attention to postures and facial features, the differences in size and clothing illustrate the different ranks of the warriors in the army." You have the forbidden "are" in it! So, how about this: Although they represent life size figures, each with great attention to o postures and facial features, the differences in size and clothing illustrate the different ranks of the warriors in the army." Now, can you add another sentence and tell us why your discovery is important. This is the "So, what?" That is why is your argument significant?
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Edited: Essay

Iskandar Ruhaizat

Thursday, Mar 17, 2016 - 04:10:30 pm

@ Sang Musang

Chinese Buddhist art is a complex collection of icons of deities. Being adherents of Mahayana Buddhism, the Chinese often depict bodhisattvas and the different buddhas[1], championing salvation for everyone through the numerous deities[2]. Chinese Buddhism was adopted during the end of the Han dynasty 220BCE-220CE[3], as it entered from India into China via overland and maritime trade routes[4]. This essay Read more →

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Sujatha Meegama
Do you need a footnote for “images of divinities and objects”. Need dates for Han Dynasty. Do you need this? "it influenced the Chinese culture-scape that already embodies existing Confucian, Taoist, and folk religion values." What does it have to do with your point? Why not say something about how initial Buddhism was practice in ethnic enclaves and how later it was embraced by rulers? Thorpe & Vinograd discuss this in their book (Look at ADM reserves). need dates of the Northern Wei rulers. please introduce the two images first before you begin your thesis. give us one sentence about each one. Then, state your thesis and plan. "this essay explores the changes in patronage in terms of the status of the patrons, subject matter, and their relationship with worshippers" currently this is not a claim. it is a plan. What is your main point about patronage? Perhaps if you post your paragraphs, I could find some point hidden in them? I usually do.
Iskandar Ruhaizat
Hi Sujatha, Thank you for the comment. Edited the intro and added a first paragraph.
Sujatha Meegama
The introduction looks good, but it could benefit a lot from some concrete details. Do you need the following two sentences: "Buddhist images rarely appear during the formative stages of Chinese Buddhism; often fused with indigenous culture in tomb art[2]. By the late-5th century, Chinese Buddhist art has reached a level of standardisation before breaking away from linear forms that dominated earlier works to classical realism in mid-6th century[3]." They don't tell us much. When did Buddhism come to China? What is Mahayana Buddhism? Introduce the objects before you compare them. I.e. before you state that you are going to compare introduce the objects. Is the image at Longmen the largest sculpture in China? This is a good thesis, because it addresses both similarities and differences. But it needs a "So, what?" What is the significance of this comparison? The thesis is a bit broad too. "Although both sculptures share characteristics often found in Buddhist art, the intent behind their creation differs in terms of subject matter, their commissioner, and the time period at which they were made." With this thesis, I would expect a separate body paragraph on similarities and then a separate body paragraph on differences. Currently, your body paragraph is all mixed up... You don't have to address everything for this essay. Only address what is relevant to your current argument. So, you seem to have an idea about the subject matter, size, and composition. According to your paragraphs, initially we see the Buddha and then we see the Vairocana with a complex group of divinities. Can you make your claim based on this? Although both sculptures depict Buddhas, the differences in the type of the Buddha, the size, and the composition indicate blah blah (i.e. your idea).
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Research paper

juliana

Thursday, Mar 17, 2016 - 02:16:50 pm

@ JULIANA

Chinese Buddhist Art started out as similar representations of prototypes from India, and transformed over time due to the influences of Chinese culture and values.[1] Many new celestial Buddhas and Bodhisattvas were included in Chinese Buddhist Art, extending its focus to others besides Buddha Shakyamuni.[2] From the time period of the Northern Han Dynasty to the Read more →

Categories: Journal
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Sujatha Meegama
Hooray! Prof. Randall found your blog and now I can give you some feedback! Your introduction is good but it needs more information. Introduction is 20 marks. It needs dates, and other facts. Is this your thesis statement and plan? It is very ambitious! You only need to compare two objects. This is a comparison. So, your thesis statement needs to be framed as a comparison. You need to compare similarities and differences between Yungang and Longmen. Your idea needs to be specific. Not general or broad. "From the time period of the Northern Han Dynasty to the Tang Dynasty, and through the comparison of the Colossal Buddha in Cave 20 of Yungang of the Northern Wei Dynasty and the Buddha Vairocana in the Longmen Caves of the Tang Dynasty, we would be able to address the changes in art and religion when Buddhism arrives in China." You need to have two paragraphs. One could be on similarities and the other could be on differences. How are they similar and different? Size? composition? Patronage? What could these similarities and differences tell us? That is your idea. Please post another version before 4:00 p.m. today. Footnotes 2, 6, 10 do not seem scholarly. Need complete information for footnote 7.
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Art History Essay Introduction(revised)

Lin Chenyue

Wednesday, Mar 16, 2016 - 09:58:23 pm

@ lin

Topic: Chinese Tomb arts and Shang bronzes

INTRODUCTION

Ancient Chinese tombs are valuable historic evidence of the life in the past.  The belief in afterlife prompted the royal family to build tombs as their palaces in another life. All sorts of objects, animals and even human beings were buried with their owners as to provide a comfortable afterlife. Read more →

Categories: Journal
Tags: essay | introduction
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Sujatha Meegama
“In China, as in other societies, the mechanism that generated social cohesion, and at a later stage statecraft, was ritualization.” This quote is not necessary. Instead you could say about how complicated the process is. It was not replicated elsewhere in the world. Interesting! So, you have chosen two bronzes to pour wine. If this is the case, the function is the same. The differences are the shapes and designs. So, you could create a thesis statement that addresses both similarities and difference. Although they are the same ... , they are different.... Which sentence is your thesis statement? "The ritual bronzes served multiple purposes and reflect various aspects of the society." "Development in technology, military and economy strengthened the ruling powers and enabled the bronzes from early to late Shang dynasty to change in shape, technique, design and etc." "These changes also indicate the royalties’ pursuit of aesthetics and ideology for the ritual bronzes". This could be your "So what?" sentence. Where is your plan? In this essay, I compare... through function, shape, design.
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Research Paper: Introduction, Thesis, and Body Paragraphs

Feliciana Natali

Wednesday, Mar 16, 2016 - 05:55:18 pm

@ Feligood

Categories: Journal
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Sujatha Meegama
Feli, Please don't post the whole essay. I only wanted the intro and the paragraphs with a point posted. You will need to post the whole essay on turn-it-in on Sunday. Anyway, is the thesis? "However, despite being able to segregate social classes, bronze tomb arts are merely products of Shang’s bronze industry, and not a vessel for creativity." Is this the plan? "Through shape and details comparison of fangding from Fu Hao’s tomb in Anyang and from an unknown tomb in Dayangzhou, Shang ritual bronzes are the proofs of ancient Chinese strict conformity." let's rephrase these to make them clearer and stronger.
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Art History Research : Chinese Buddhist Art (Intoduction & 2 Paragraphs)

Christy Stephanie

Wednesday, Mar 16, 2016 - 04:56:31 pm

@ Christy Stephanie

Buddhism in China initially flourished as a foreign religion, but is adopted as a nationwide religion over time due to strong influence of imperial patronage. This strong relationship between imperial patronage and Buddhism could be seen in Chinese Buddhist art. In this case, Buddhist art could be defined as “representational art that symbolizes various elements of Buddhist mythology or doctrine” Read more →

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Raj Patel
Hi Christy, Your looks great with the content. The one suggestion I would make is to not use words like "I" and "you." You wrote: In this essay, I will observe the increasingly strong relationship between Chinese Buddhist art and imperial patronage as well as the resulting shift of style, through a comparison of two Chinese Buddhist sculptures. You can simply rewrite this as, "There seems to be an increasingly strong relationship between Chinese Buddhist art and imperial patronage as well as the resulting shift of style, through a comparison of two Chinese Buddhist sculptures." Also, you can rewrite: "The first one is the Northern Wei Dynasty sculpture in Yungang Grotto, specifically Shakyamuni Buddha in Cave 20, and the other is a Tang Dynasty sculpture in Longmen Grotto, specifically Buddha Vairocana. This will be done through analysis of the projects’ scale, medium and presentation, and style." To: "The Shakyamuni Buddha of the Northern Wei Dynasty in Yungang in Cave 20 and the Budda Vairocana of the Tang Dynasty in Longmen Grotto are similar and different from each in terms of scale, medium and presentation and style." Hopefully, this will help. If you have any questions, we can talk about it during tutorial tomorrow!
Sujatha Meegama
Nice beginning. But, your introduction needs to be worth 20 marks. Please see the grading rubric. It needs to tell us when Buddhism came to China. We need a few facts as well. Do you need the following statement: In this case, Buddhist art could be defined as “representational art that symbolizes various elements of Buddhist mythology or doctrine” (Foulk, 2001). "In this essay, I will observe the increasingly strong relationship between Chinese Buddhist art and imperial patronage as well as the resulting shift of style, through a comparison of two Chinese Buddhist sculptures." this is phrased more as a plan than a claim/small idea/point. By comparing blah and blah, I show the strong relationship between imperial patronage and the evolving styles of Chinese Buddhist art. It is a bit grand and broad. So, couldn't we come up with a smaller idea? Now, this seems to be a phrase in the form of a comparison: "it changed mainly in terms of aesthetics despite similar intended political purpose." Although they are different, they are similar. Although they are similar, the are different. Here goes, Despite similarly intended political purposes (i.e. the imperial patronage), the styles of these artworks indicate numerous differences in blah blah blah. it includes the plan too. But, then, we need a "So, what?" What's the point of this comparison.
Sujatha Meegama
Both are good body paragraphs. But a comparison paper also needs differences. So, we need a paragraph of differences. Anyway, you have also developed a new idea in your second body paragraph. Which one do you want to go with? We cannot have two main ideas in one paper. "Thus, using the similar medium and presentation as a base of comparison, the gigantic Vairocana Buddha might have been a display of craftsmanship to show superiority to the previous Northern Wei Dynasty." Of course, the point a comparison is not necessarily say that one is better than the other.
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Essay Introduction and Paragraphs

Raj Patel

Tuesday, Mar 15, 2016 - 04:28:55 pm

@ n1501790h

The Emperors of China did not want their bodies to be alone in the afterlife, which resulted in the creation on Chinese Tomb Art. Chinese Tomb Art served a purpose to give the Emperors a home in the afterlife along with all the aspects from their lives that mattered to them such as servants, objects, wives, pets, guardians and food. Read more →

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Christy Stephanie
Hey Raj! I think there are a lot of visual and contextual analysis done in detail, which is great. So I don’t think there is anything wrong with the quantity (hair, ribbon, paint, weapons, numbers, body parts, armors, etc) of the analysis. However, I feel that the analysis would be more substantial if there is a more challenging claim you are trying to prove. In this way, the analysis could go a step further. The current claim is that there are some similarities and some differences, which is true, but I think you could step up your game B) For example, “each and every face of the Terracotta Warriors are unique despite the body structures being fairly similar depending the position of the warrior” – so the face is different from the body structures? What does this imply? Does this say anything about their methods of mass production? Is it effective? Is it good (in your opinion)? Does this respect the warriors’ individuality? Why do they differentiate the figures? Why am I asking so many questions? Am I digressing? Okay, those questions might not be the right kind of questions, but I guess you could see where I was going with those. I just think digging deeper in your analysis might be interesting :) Anyways, the rest are just minor grammar errors/ awkward phrasings so just proofread later on before you submit (or get your friend to proofread so you can have a fresh POV from them) and you’ll be good to go!
Sujatha Meegama
Thanks Christy for the good suggestions! Good introduction, but it needs a lot of footnotes. When you introduce the images, you also need to say (figure 1) and (figure 2). Is this your thesis statement? "These two pieces of art were similar and different in a few ways." As Christy points out, we need to find a small idea based on these similarities and differences. Your idea might be hidden here: "This signifies that these warriors were valued in the eyes of the Qin Shihuangdi. Not all of the Terracotta warriors had armor on them, including certain archers, which explains there is a clear distinction between the sculptures that were armored and the sculptures that weren’t armored." Why are some armoured and some aren't? Is this section necessary? "Another similarity between the two figures were the way they were made. These figures were created starting from the feet and working up the body. The body parts were produced in bulk and then attached depending on the figure that was being built. Then they would be heated to make the figures. Both of these figures were painted but the paint has gone away after being buried for centuries." You cannot include everything in your essay. Include what is relevant. There is an idea hidden here as well: "Each and every face of the Terracotta Warriors are unique despite the body structures being fairly similar depending the position of the warrior." Here is another idea: "The Generals had more distinctive features considering they had the highest rank." Could you combine all three and show me a new thesis statement by tomorrow? Where is your plan for the paper? Your paragraphs also need lot's of footnotes
Raj Patel
Hello Sujatha, Thank you very much for the feedback. This was very helpful. I have rewritten my thesis statement to be, "While these figures had their similarities and differences, its evident that there was a distinction in their rankings within the army based off of the looks of these figures." I have also included the footnotes that needed to be placed. I was wondering if this these statement would be a stronger claim than what I had before.
Sujatha Meegama
It still consists of weak verbs: “While these figures had their similarities and differences, its evident that there was a distinction in their rankings within the army based off of the looks of these figures.” How about this? While these figures share similarities in blah and blah, the differences in blah blah indicate a distinction in their rankings within the tomb army. share and indicate are active verbs. moreover, it is structured as a comparison. so, the reader expects a paragraph on similarities and a paragraph on differences.
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Essay Proposal + Introduction and Paragraphs: Chinese Ceramics

Lu Jia Xian

Saturday, Mar 12, 2016 - 02:24:49 pm

@ JayAxe

Question 3: What are Chinese Ceramics? Compare two ceramics found on a shipwreck.

Claim: Chinese Ceramics in the 9th Century were heavily influenced by commercialism and trade trends, especially those with the Abbasid Caliphate and Middle East

Intro –

Introduce nature of 9th Century ceramics State claim Point out focus on Belitung Shipwreck as primary focus

Para 1: Why the Middle East dominated the nature of Read more →

Categories: Journal
Tags: Chinese Ceramics | Journal | Research Paper
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Sujatha Meegama
Good initial claim, but it is still broad. This is a comparison paper. So, please create a thesis statement that takes into account similarities and differences. Nice introduction. See my edits below: The Chinese Ceramics of the 9th Century were an art form that was highly influenced by trade, especially with the Abbasid Caliphate and the Middle East (are they separate?) footnote? During this period, the decline of the Tang Dynasty and lack of other major trading partners due to Japanese withdrawal caused the already monetarily-driven industry to new heights, but sometimes at the cost of indigenous artistic expressions. footnote? Now, introduce the shipwreck. introduce your two pieces. then, create a thesis in the form of comparison (similarities and differences). Finally, create a plan for paper. proposal: paragraph 1 can be in your intro. Your claim is hidden in the topic sentences of paragraph 2 and paragraph 3! So, your first body paragraph is about blue and white ceramics for the middle east and the second body paragraph is about changsha bowls. Now, create a claim based on this comparison. What are the similarities and differences? (Although they are similar, then are different. Although they are different, they are similar. But, we need a strong verb)
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Art history essay introduction & paragraphs draft

Lin Chenyue

Saturday, Mar 12, 2016 - 03:14:26 am

@ lin

Topic: Chinese tomb art & Shang bronzes

I try to narrow down the statement as suggested. There might be some changes in phrasing but here is what I have gotten so far.

INTRODUCTION

Ancient Chinese tombs are valuable historic evidence of the life in the past.  The belief in afterlife prompted the royal family to build tombs as their palaces in another life. Read more →

Categories: Journal
Tags: essay
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Sujatha Meegama
Comments on Introduction: very nice! Need dates. Which sentences if the thesis statement: "The bronzes served multiple purposes back then and reflect various aspects of the society." too broad "The bronzes from early to late Shang dynasty changed in types, technique, design and etc." too broad. What is your plan for the paper? Introduce your two objects in the introduction (put the first body paragraph into the intro). Edit the intro for any necessary information (like Tang dynasty). You have a good topic sentence for your second body paragraph--it clearly tells the reader that the paragraph is about shape. Now, create a another paragraph about design. Then, write a conclusion!
Lin Chenyue
Hi Sujatha, Thank you for your comment! Actually, my thesis statement is the last sentence from paragraph one, "This indicates how development impacts on bronzes as well as how the design decisions were made more intentionally." So my plan will be through analyzing the two different bronzes, to discover the impacts from development of the society(economy, politics, technology etc.) and then also find out how the design decisions were better made to achieve the cultural & political impacts sought by the Shang rulers. Noted on including the two objects in the introduction paragraph. Regards, Chenyue
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Art History Essay Draft: Introduction and Paragraphs

Raiza

Saturday, Mar 12, 2016 - 12:36:54 am

@ Raiza F.A.

Question 2: What is Chinese Buddhist Art? Compare two sculptures and address the question of change in art and religion when Buddhism arrives in China. The images need to be from lecture or from the Asian Civilizations Museum

Claim:

Buddhism not only brought about a change in Chinese art, particularly sculptures, but Chinese art techniques also contributed to the evolution of Buddhist traditions Read more →

Categories: Journal
Tags: arthistory | chinesebuddhistart | Draft | essay
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Sujatha Meegama
Is this paper about Buddhist art or terracotta sculptures? You can make life easier for yourself by choosing one topic. Otherwise, you will need to research on two very different topics. Interesting claim but it is too broad. It must be very specific to your comparison. It needs to be framed as a comparison (addressing both similarities and differences). Currently, your essay is too long. This essay needs only 2-3 body paragraphs (all together, 5 paragraphs maximum).
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