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Art History Essay Introduction(revised)

Lin Chenyue

Wednesday, Mar 16, 2016 - 09:58:23 pm

@ lin

Topic: Chinese Tomb arts and Shang bronzes


Ancient Chinese tombs are valuable historic evidence of the life in the past.  The belief in afterlife prompted the royal family to build tombs as their palaces in another life. All sorts of objects, animals and even human beings were buried with their owners as to provide a comfortable afterlife. Read more →

Categories: Journal
“In China, as in other societies, the mechanism that generated social cohesion, and at a later stage statecraft, was ritualization.” This quote is not necessary. Instead you could say about how complicated the process is. It was not replicated elsewhere in the world. Interesting! So, you have chosen two bronzes to pour wine. If this is the case, the function is the same. The differences are the shapes and designs. So, you could create a thesis statement that addresses both similarities and difference. Although they are the same ... , they are different.... Which sentence is your thesis statement? "The ritual bronzes served multiple purposes and reflect various aspects of the society." "Development in technology, military and economy strengthened the ruling powers and enabled the bronzes from early to late Shang dynasty to change in shape, technique, design and etc." "These changes also indicate the royalties’ pursuit of aesthetics and ideology for the ritual bronzes". This could be your "So what?" sentence. Where is your plan? In this essay, I compare... through function, shape, design.

Research Paper: Introduction, Thesis, and Body Paragraphs

Feliciana Natali

Wednesday, Mar 16, 2016 - 05:55:18 pm

@ Feligood

Categories: Journal
Feli, Please don't post the whole essay. I only wanted the intro and the paragraphs with a point posted. You will need to post the whole essay on turn-it-in on Sunday. Anyway, is the thesis? "However, despite being able to segregate social classes, bronze tomb arts are merely products of Shang’s bronze industry, and not a vessel for creativity." Is this the plan? "Through shape and details comparison of fangding from Fu Hao’s tomb in Anyang and from an unknown tomb in Dayangzhou, Shang ritual bronzes are the proofs of ancient Chinese strict conformity." let's rephrase these to make them clearer and stronger.

Art History Research : Chinese Buddhist Art (Intoduction & 2 Paragraphs)

Christy Stephanie

Wednesday, Mar 16, 2016 - 04:56:31 pm

@ Christy Stephanie

Buddhism in China initially flourished as a foreign religion, but is adopted as a nationwide religion over time due to strong influence of imperial patronage. This strong relationship between imperial patronage and Buddhism could be seen in Chinese Buddhist art. In this case, Buddhist art could be defined as “representational art that symbolizes various elements of Buddhist mythology or doctrine” Read more →

Categories: Journal
Hi Christy, Your looks great with the content. The one suggestion I would make is to not use words like "I" and "you." You wrote: In this essay, I will observe the increasingly strong relationship between Chinese Buddhist art and imperial patronage as well as the resulting shift of style, through a comparison of two Chinese Buddhist sculptures. You can simply rewrite this as, "There seems to be an increasingly strong relationship between Chinese Buddhist art and imperial patronage as well as the resulting shift of style, through a comparison of two Chinese Buddhist sculptures." Also, you can rewrite: "The first one is the Northern Wei Dynasty sculpture in Yungang Grotto, specifically Shakyamuni Buddha in Cave 20, and the other is a Tang Dynasty sculpture in Longmen Grotto, specifically Buddha Vairocana. This will be done through analysis of the projects’ scale, medium and presentation, and style." To: "The Shakyamuni Buddha of the Northern Wei Dynasty in Yungang in Cave 20 and the Budda Vairocana of the Tang Dynasty in Longmen Grotto are similar and different from each in terms of scale, medium and presentation and style." Hopefully, this will help. If you have any questions, we can talk about it during tutorial tomorrow!
Nice beginning. But, your introduction needs to be worth 20 marks. Please see the grading rubric. It needs to tell us when Buddhism came to China. We need a few facts as well. Do you need the following statement: In this case, Buddhist art could be defined as “representational art that symbolizes various elements of Buddhist mythology or doctrine” (Foulk, 2001). "In this essay, I will observe the increasingly strong relationship between Chinese Buddhist art and imperial patronage as well as the resulting shift of style, through a comparison of two Chinese Buddhist sculptures." this is phrased more as a plan than a claim/small idea/point. By comparing blah and blah, I show the strong relationship between imperial patronage and the evolving styles of Chinese Buddhist art. It is a bit grand and broad. So, couldn't we come up with a smaller idea? Now, this seems to be a phrase in the form of a comparison: "it changed mainly in terms of aesthetics despite similar intended political purpose." Although they are different, they are similar. Although they are similar, the are different. Here goes, Despite similarly intended political purposes (i.e. the imperial patronage), the styles of these artworks indicate numerous differences in blah blah blah. it includes the plan too. But, then, we need a "So, what?" What's the point of this comparison.
Both are good body paragraphs. But a comparison paper also needs differences. So, we need a paragraph of differences. Anyway, you have also developed a new idea in your second body paragraph. Which one do you want to go with? We cannot have two main ideas in one paper. "Thus, using the similar medium and presentation as a base of comparison, the gigantic Vairocana Buddha might have been a display of craftsmanship to show superiority to the previous Northern Wei Dynasty." Of course, the point a comparison is not necessarily say that one is better than the other.

Essay Introduction and Paragraphs

Raj Patel

Tuesday, Mar 15, 2016 - 04:28:55 pm

@ n1501790h

The Emperors of China did not want their bodies to be alone in the afterlife, which resulted in the creation on Chinese Tomb Art. Chinese Tomb Art served a purpose to give the Emperors a home in the afterlife along with all the aspects from their lives that mattered to them such as servants, objects, wives, pets, guardians and food. Read more →

Categories: Journal
Hey Raj! I think there are a lot of visual and contextual analysis done in detail, which is great. So I don’t think there is anything wrong with the quantity (hair, ribbon, paint, weapons, numbers, body parts, armors, etc) of the analysis. However, I feel that the analysis would be more substantial if there is a more challenging claim you are trying to prove. In this way, the analysis could go a step further. The current claim is that there are some similarities and some differences, which is true, but I think you could step up your game B) For example, “each and every face of the Terracotta Warriors are unique despite the body structures being fairly similar depending the position of the warrior” – so the face is different from the body structures? What does this imply? Does this say anything about their methods of mass production? Is it effective? Is it good (in your opinion)? Does this respect the warriors’ individuality? Why do they differentiate the figures? Why am I asking so many questions? Am I digressing? Okay, those questions might not be the right kind of questions, but I guess you could see where I was going with those. I just think digging deeper in your analysis might be interesting :) Anyways, the rest are just minor grammar errors/ awkward phrasings so just proofread later on before you submit (or get your friend to proofread so you can have a fresh POV from them) and you’ll be good to go!
Thanks Christy for the good suggestions! Good introduction, but it needs a lot of footnotes. When you introduce the images, you also need to say (figure 1) and (figure 2). Is this your thesis statement? "These two pieces of art were similar and different in a few ways." As Christy points out, we need to find a small idea based on these similarities and differences. Your idea might be hidden here: "This signifies that these warriors were valued in the eyes of the Qin Shihuangdi. Not all of the Terracotta warriors had armor on them, including certain archers, which explains there is a clear distinction between the sculptures that were armored and the sculptures that weren’t armored." Why are some armoured and some aren't? Is this section necessary? "Another similarity between the two figures were the way they were made. These figures were created starting from the feet and working up the body. The body parts were produced in bulk and then attached depending on the figure that was being built. Then they would be heated to make the figures. Both of these figures were painted but the paint has gone away after being buried for centuries." You cannot include everything in your essay. Include what is relevant. There is an idea hidden here as well: "Each and every face of the Terracotta Warriors are unique despite the body structures being fairly similar depending the position of the warrior." Here is another idea: "The Generals had more distinctive features considering they had the highest rank." Could you combine all three and show me a new thesis statement by tomorrow? Where is your plan for the paper? Your paragraphs also need lot's of footnotes
Hello Sujatha, Thank you very much for the feedback. This was very helpful. I have rewritten my thesis statement to be, "While these figures had their similarities and differences, its evident that there was a distinction in their rankings within the army based off of the looks of these figures." I have also included the footnotes that needed to be placed. I was wondering if this these statement would be a stronger claim than what I had before.
It still consists of weak verbs: “While these figures had their similarities and differences, its evident that there was a distinction in their rankings within the army based off of the looks of these figures.” How about this? While these figures share similarities in blah and blah, the differences in blah blah indicate a distinction in their rankings within the tomb army. share and indicate are active verbs. moreover, it is structured as a comparison. so, the reader expects a paragraph on similarities and a paragraph on differences.

Essay Proposal + Introduction and Paragraphs: Chinese Ceramics

Lu Jia Xian

Saturday, Mar 12, 2016 - 02:24:49 pm

@ JayAxe

Question 3: What are Chinese Ceramics? Compare two ceramics found on a shipwreck.

Claim: Chinese Ceramics in the 9th Century were heavily influenced by commercialism and trade trends, especially those with the Abbasid Caliphate and Middle East

Intro –

Introduce nature of 9th Century ceramics State claim Point out focus on Belitung Shipwreck as primary focus

Para 1: Why the Middle East dominated the nature of Read more →

Categories: Journal
Good initial claim, but it is still broad. This is a comparison paper. So, please create a thesis statement that takes into account similarities and differences. Nice introduction. See my edits below: The Chinese Ceramics of the 9th Century were an art form that was highly influenced by trade, especially with the Abbasid Caliphate and the Middle East (are they separate?) footnote? During this period, the decline of the Tang Dynasty and lack of other major trading partners due to Japanese withdrawal caused the already monetarily-driven industry to new heights, but sometimes at the cost of indigenous artistic expressions. footnote? Now, introduce the shipwreck. introduce your two pieces. then, create a thesis in the form of comparison (similarities and differences). Finally, create a plan for paper. proposal: paragraph 1 can be in your intro. Your claim is hidden in the topic sentences of paragraph 2 and paragraph 3! So, your first body paragraph is about blue and white ceramics for the middle east and the second body paragraph is about changsha bowls. Now, create a claim based on this comparison. What are the similarities and differences? (Although they are similar, then are different. Although they are different, they are similar. But, we need a strong verb)

Art history essay introduction & paragraphs draft

Lin Chenyue

Saturday, Mar 12, 2016 - 03:14:26 am

@ lin

Topic: Chinese tomb art & Shang bronzes

I try to narrow down the statement as suggested. There might be some changes in phrasing but here is what I have gotten so far.


Ancient Chinese tombs are valuable historic evidence of the life in the past.  The belief in afterlife prompted the royal family to build tombs as their palaces in another life. Read more →

Categories: Journal
Tags: essay
Comments on Introduction: very nice! Need dates. Which sentences if the thesis statement: "The bronzes served multiple purposes back then and reflect various aspects of the society." too broad "The bronzes from early to late Shang dynasty changed in types, technique, design and etc." too broad. What is your plan for the paper? Introduce your two objects in the introduction (put the first body paragraph into the intro). Edit the intro for any necessary information (like Tang dynasty). You have a good topic sentence for your second body paragraph--it clearly tells the reader that the paragraph is about shape. Now, create a another paragraph about design. Then, write a conclusion!
Hi Sujatha, Thank you for your comment! Actually, my thesis statement is the last sentence from paragraph one, "This indicates how development impacts on bronzes as well as how the design decisions were made more intentionally." So my plan will be through analyzing the two different bronzes, to discover the impacts from development of the society(economy, politics, technology etc.) and then also find out how the design decisions were better made to achieve the cultural & political impacts sought by the Shang rulers. Noted on including the two objects in the introduction paragraph. Regards, Chenyue

Art History Essay Draft: Introduction and Paragraphs


Saturday, Mar 12, 2016 - 12:36:54 am

@ Raiza F.A.

Question 2: What is Chinese Buddhist Art? Compare two sculptures and address the question of change in art and religion when Buddhism arrives in China. The images need to be from lecture or from the Asian Civilizations Museum


Buddhism not only brought about a change in Chinese art, particularly sculptures, but Chinese art techniques also contributed to the evolution of Buddhist traditions Read more →

Categories: Journal
Is this paper about Buddhist art or terracotta sculptures? You can make life easier for yourself by choosing one topic. Otherwise, you will need to research on two very different topics. Interesting claim but it is too broad. It must be very specific to your comparison. It needs to be framed as a comparison (addressing both similarities and differences). Currently, your essay is too long. This essay needs only 2-3 body paragraphs (all together, 5 paragraphs maximum).

Art History: Introduction + Paragraphs draft


Saturday, Mar 12, 2016 - 12:30:31 am

@ bella's

What is Chinese landscape painting? Compare Guo Xi’s Early Spring to a bird and flower painting by Emperor Hui-tsung.


Chinese Landscape paintings are paintings of nature. They often illustrate mountains, trees, clouds, birds, flowers and water and painted with expressive calligraphic brushworks in monochrome.[1] The first traces of the Landscape in art could be found in tomb art, secular Read more →

Categories: Journal
Excellent introduction! Perhaps it could have a few more footnotes and it could be longer. What if you introduce both painters in the introduction? Good claim, but weak verbs. Where is the plan for the rest of the paper? Nice paragraph with a point! We need more footnotes for the parakeet painting. I look forward to reading the whole paper next weekend!

Introductory Paragraph- Chinese Tomb Art

Fernandez Leong

Saturday, Mar 12, 2016 - 12:20:12 am

@ fleong005

There has been a change in my thesis statement but I think I’ll put down the paragraph first and see if it’s easy to pick out.


The Ancient China concept of death indicated that the body had two spiritual elements, the hun spirit representing the expressive soul headed for paradise and the po spirit that remained after death[1]. To Read more →

Categories: Journal
Very nice introduction! Break up sentence 3. It is a run on sentence. Full stop needed after "tombs." Your thesis sounds fascinating. But, you need to introduce your two objects first before the thesis. Why not describe the various ranks first and then zero in on your two objects? But, I am struggling to understand what exactly you mean. So, you are saying that although they are different (due to facial characteristics), they are the same? In other words, they aren't different because they are different individuals but the are differentiated because of their ranks needed to be shown? What is the plan for the paper? Also, it would be good to include the chapter by Lothar Ledderose on the tomb warriors.
Hi Sujatha, Thank you for the comment! Noted on the third sentence and phrasing of thesis. I will have to work on it again. About the plan, I would find it more comfortable emailing you about the rephrased thesis should be together in the email. Regarding the chapter by Lothar Ledderose, would you happen to be referring to the piece "A Magic Army for the Emperor"? Thank you again for the feedback.
Dear Fern, Have you emailed me your new thesis and plan? Yes, I am referring to the Magical Army chapter in Ten Thousand Things. Looking forward to reading your work, Sujatha

Introduction for Essay


Saturday, Mar 12, 2016 - 12:18:20 am

@ 風鳴る翼

Q1: What is Chinese Tomb art? Compare 2 bronzes from the Shang dynasty or compare 2 terracotta figures from the Qin dynasty.

Thesis statement:

Qin Shi Huang’s strict rule did not degrade the quality and variety of the figures produced, instead kept the quality and variety consistent even with mass production.

Having an afterlife is one important belief throughout the ancient Chinese history. Read more →

Categories: Journal
Gek, this is a good start. But, we need to do some editing. First of all what are yellow springs? Is it a belief that existed in the Shang dynasty? Do we need the sentence about Fu Hao's tomb? Your current thesis statement is too broad. Your thesis statement needs to be in the form of a comparison. It has to address both similarities and differences. What is the plan for the paper?