I Am Not Me

once more do we come to start anew, where
the waves ebb and flow, eroding what it can, with what
little power it has, until the seas dry
up, leaving nothing but flecks of salt, flecks of sand

and just like that, we keep suspending thought
again, and again, till we are decisive, for
you, me, the world, and all of Meaning

we are all ending, in some time, in some place, and
scattered over voids of perceived faith

I wrote this while delirious at 3am a few days back, and only remembered it after taking the video. Surprisingly, it feels like they fit together well.

The alter ego I wish for is one with which I can attain freedom in abstraction. It terrifies me sometimes, the fact that I have a tangible form bound by the constructs of society and laws of the universe. Often, I wish I could become emptiness, unconstrained by rationality, natural in irregularity, aesthetic in imperfection.

I took about 12 minutes worth of footage, and trimmed out a minute. Throughout the video, the kaleidoscope effect is applied, such that I am not me, such that I can reach the abstraction I’ve wished for. My eyes are closed, and I am moving at random without seeing the result. I am also vocalising a random melody which is made up as I go. Both of these reflect the freedom and aesthetic of spontaneity which, I feel, comes with being unconstrained.

Wabi-sabi and sunyata seem to be relevant concepts, incidentally.

Published by

EC Chee

a local peanut (◡‿◡ )

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