your body. your life. your choices.

The Breakfast Club (1985)

“If you haven’t, you’re a prude. If you have, you’re a slut. It’s a trap.”

The Breakfast Club came out in 1985 and surprise, what Allison Reynolds said then is still alive and well 30 years later.

Slut-shaming or prude-shaming is both a phenomenon that polices how women choose or don’t choose, to express themselves sexually. And they are both problematic as they are both seen negatively. On one end, there is slut-shaming – shamed for having too much sex and on another, there is prude-shaming – shamed for not having enough or any. I mean, is there a way to come out unscathed? This is the case of damned if you do, and damned if you don’t, am I right?

The sexual standard between men and women exists in this phenomenon too. Men who sleep around are admired for their ‘game’ and are considered studs or players. But when a woman does the same? She is deemed as a slut – looked down upon by both men and women.

Honestly, I struggle to understand how a woman’s sexual choices can become the topic of conversation for others. How and where you prefer to get pleasure is nobody’s business but your own.

Where is the line between being a slut and a prude anyway? Who determines how many sexual partners a woman can have before she is labeled a slut? Is there a similar term used for men based on how many partners they have chosen to be intimate with?

Definitely, Maybe (2008)

Additionally, it is alarming that these terms are said to women at a very young age. In a study done by Lippman and Campbell (2014) on adolescent sexting, it was found that labels such as slut and prude, were commonly used to judge girls on whether they sext or not. Although the girls in the study were no more likely than boys to sext, it was revealed that they were more likely to experience pressure to sext, particularly from boys.

In the book ‘I Am Not a Slut: Slut-Shaming in the Age of the Internet’ by Leora Tanenbaum, it was mentioned that slut-shaming does not motivate other girls to remain chaste. In fact, an overwhelming majority of the girls and women who were labeled sluts, become more, not less, sexually active as a direct result of being labeled as one.

So why do we do this? Why slut and prude shame? Sexual decision making is the choice of the individual. I vote we cancel shaming anyone for the amount of sex they have. If you can fuck anyone, you can also not fuck anyone.

Because at the end of the day, YOUR VAGINA, YOUR RULES.

  1. Here’s an article that shares my sentiments:

  2. Here’s a poem by R. H. Sin that explains slut/prude shaming:
  3. Here’s the scene to show what led up to Allison Reynolds saying those three lines:



Lippman, J., & Campbell, S. (2014). Damned If You Do, Damned If You Don’t…If You’re a Girl: Relational and Normative Contexts of Adolescent Sexting in the United States. Journal Of Children And Media8(4), 371-386.

Sin, R. Planting gardens in graves.

Tanenbaum, L. (2015). I Am Not a Slut: Slut-Shaming in the Age of the Internet. Harper Collins.

4 Replies to “your body. your life. your choices.”

  1. In my opinion, I could not agree more about how unfair it is that there are different terms or labels only on women based on their sexual activities. There is also a label on women if they dislike doing anything sexual which in this case is ‘prude’. Whether they have sex with many people or not, they still bear the consequences of having derogatory labelled on them. Again, here, it shows that people are treating sex as not only a form of behaviour but also treating it as a guide to define someone’s identity. In the society viewpoint, there is no in between. A girl would either be a slut or prude. Meanwhile, there are not even single derogatory labels on men who love to sleep around and what more disliking doing anything sexual. In fact, for men, the more people they have sex with, the more powerful or dominant they are. Hence, this may the reason why they do not have derogatory labels based on their sexual activities. Nonetheless, it is still a form of discrimination towards women by labelling them derogatorily based on their sexual preference and activities.


  2. Society, as we know it today, relies on these traits and labels to navigate and define people and their personalities and behaviours, which is, in my opinion, a sad reality. I wholeheartedly agree that it is a trap, to define your sexual tendencies because the world’s going to have an opinion of you, no matter what. So, just don’t. Perhaps, as a woman, if we stop putting so much importance on these labels, it would no longer hold such influence or power over us as well.

  3. I agree with you that it is very unfair that women get BOTH slut-shamed and prude-shamed, while men get away with having sex with many people. However so, I feel that it is also true that men are also pressured into having to have sex with many people. Prudent men are viewed even more negatively than prudent women – while women who have never had sex can still be viewed as pure, men who have never had sex are viewed as ‘losers’. So while I agree that there is discrimination against women due to slut-shaming, there is also a more extreme discrimination towards virgin men than virgin women.

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