After consulting friends, I have crafted the next draft.
First of all, I tried to place the titles with the shot instead of on a black screen. I am considering removing the titles either at the front or the end.
Next, I cleaned up the editing just a little to make the jump cuts a little smoother. Although the jump cuts are jarring, it still has flow.
I changed the font of the thank you to be “handwritten”. This feels more personal. I might try actually handwriting the text out.
I played with the use of black screen to give off the feel of quiet. It flows better, in my opinion. I am still hesitant about using the black screen as it, technically, does not add anything. It does, however, gives the audience time to breathe.
Hopefully this will be the 2nd last draft. Sorry for posting so much.