A post by Cassandra Tan

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A post by Cassandra Tan on 20 November 2016 at 14:31

https://www.facebook.com/casgal/posts/10210342133885313

My first passenger today brought me to tears and I had to hold it back till I dropped him off.

At 5.46am, I got a booking from Bt Timah Road. It didn’t state what number, just the road name. I called him, he said he didn’t know what number or where he was. He just said he was sitting at a bus stop at Bt Timah Road.
Bt Timah Road is so long. I asked him to describe what he saw nearby. He said cars, trees, at a bus stop. I asked him to look for the bus stop number, I got silence and muffling sounds.
Sensing something very wrong,
I said…just sit there and wait for me. I will find you!

From where I was, I thought…if the booking came to me. He must be at the few bus stops nearest to me, but Bt Timah Road was left and right. So I tried the right side first.

There he was… a lone Indian foreign worker sitting at the bus stop, looking around aimlessly.

I stopped my car, asked him if he had booked a car. He nodded. He opened the front door and asked if he could sit in front politely as he will vomit if he sit behind(his words).
He got in, I offered him a plastic bag and a sweet which he politely declined.

I confirmed his dropoff address, he nodded. He was upset. So I drove on, leaving him to calm down.

Halfway through, I asked him if he was okay. He nodded.

So I asked why he was at that bus stop (very quiet corner) so early that morning. He said he walked there.
I said from where.
He said from home.

Apparently home was where I was sending him now….very far from where he was.

So I casually mentioned…. wow that’s a very long walk.

So the talk continues…

Me: So where are you from?
He: India.
Me: U ok?
Silence.
Me: U work here?
He: Ya.
Me: How long?
He: 6 months now.

I then offered him some tissues and he took to wipe his tears…

Me: It’s ok. You can talk.
Silence then…..then he spoke.
(After this, I was quiet for a long time while he spoke)
His next words:
my wife die after born my baby girl.

In that little bit of English that he could speak….
He went on to say he and his wife were orphans at an orphanage and grew up together and fell in love.
They had to “betroth”(his word “sell”) their baby girl to a family in their village so they had money to pay for doctor visits for her pregnancy. The baby was supposed to be turned over to the family at age 12.
His wife died during childbirth and the family had claimed the baby girl after the hospital turned her over to them.

This man sitting next to me now will never have the chance to see his baby girl or even put his wife to rest.

After I dropped him off, I declined to take his fare and even wanted to give him money for an airfare home.
He simply refused to take it and said no use go home.

He just said “Thank you for hear me” and left.
He probably needed to be alone now.

4 hours later when I finished my driving…. as I was clearing my things, I found 2 $10 notes in a slot on the passenger door. He had stuck them there after I refused to take his fare.

I tried calling him on the same number…. it has been off the last many hours.

My dear friends, give your kids and partner a good cuddle and many kisses today please!

*Update* 21/11/116

I managed to call through the phone this morning. It was picked up by another Indian man who said the phone is actually his and the man (his friend) had left this morning for home.
I asked how?
He said “Boss give money send”.

He told me also….no call here again.

I hope he will be blessed and find peace within himself soon.

I didn’t expect this post to go viral but thank you to everyone who shared to let people know what some of our foreign workers face.


Thoughts for FYP:
Is it possible to draw responses from Singaporeans about their reflection, thoughts, experience about/with migrant workers?

A new light in my FYP progress

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I met Tong Yee, who is the director of The Thought Collective in The Social Wave – Flagship Panel Series Discussion by NTC and NTUES. I told him about my FYP project about kindness, and he connected me to Khoon, who oversees Little India trails.

What is interesting about Little India is, it contains people from different nationalities as well as locals. From our discussion, I learned that as the space is quite small, suspicion is increasing among strangers living there.

What I could potentially be the directions for my FYP are:

  1. How to connect people from different cultures? What kind of universal kindness language that could help dissolve suspicion among people?
  2. What is stopping someone from trying to have conversation with strangers, and how could we solve the problem?

There has been an initiative happened as a response to this issue, called Kapor Chatparty by Octopus Residency. I will contact the person involved soon to know about Little India community better, and see how I can contribute to the society using my FYP.

 

Journal: Happy People Become Happier through Kindness: A Counting Kindnesses Intervention

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The peer-reviewed Journal of Happiness Studies is devoted to scientific understanding of subjective well-being. Coverage includes both cognitive evaluations of life such as life-satisfaction, and affective enjoyment of life, such as mood level. In addition to contributions on appraisal of life-as-a-whole, the journal accepts papers on such life domains as job-satisfaction, and such life-aspects as the perceived meaning of life.
The Journal of Happiness Studies provides a forum for two main traditions in happiness research: 1) speculative reflection on the good life, and 2) empirical investigation of subjective well-being. Contributions span a broad range of disciplines: alpha-sciences, philosophy in particular; beta-sciences, especially health related quality-of-life research; and gamma-sciences, including not only psychology and sociology but also economics.
The journal addresses the conceptualization, measurement, prevalence, explanation, evaluation, imagination and study of happiness.

http://link.springer.com/journal/10902

Read the journal using NTU Account:

http://eds.a.ebscohost.com/eds/detail/detail?vid=1&sid=8eea42a3-9b42-4020-a3fd-ef99f4f29945%40sessionmgr4009&hid=4111&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWRzLWxpdmUmc2NvcGU9c2l0ZQ%3d%3d#AN=EP22090200&db=eoh

Paying it Forward by Sandi Mann

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About the Book

One woman’s experiment to understand how the power of giving without reward can change lives.

Random acts of kindness campaigns are increasingly popular as we look to kindness to strangers as a means to create a kinder and more caring society. For 14 days, Dr Sandi Mann, from the University of Central Lancashire, carried out her own ‘paying it forward’ challenge, handing out free chocolate, coffee, umbrellas and more in the hope that her generosity would inspire others to carry forward more random acts of kindness. The results surprised her.

https://www.harpercollins.co.uk/9780008144418/paying-it-forward

Review by David Robson

Generous people are happier and healthier, yet acts of kindness are often met with suspicion and scorn.

http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20151125-why-are-we-so-suspicious-of-being-kind

Difficult to be Kind

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After our first FYP Meeting on 12 August 2016, I had a lot of input to improve my FYP topic from Angeline and my friends. Previously, I thought of encouraging university students to be kind to others. However, the urge does not feel too urgent to be implemented on university setting. There is no real problem there. Moreover, the idea of making an app for people to indicate that they need help, could be misused easily by robbers, for example.

Hence, I needed to look at kindness from another angle. During the discussion, we felt that sometimes it is hard to help strangers. There are suspicion that this stranger might not have a good intention. We might be used, etc. On a larger context, this bad assumption also happen worldwide, especially in Europe where a lot of migrants, unknown people, come to the countries.

Therefore, I will look closer on this issue this week and come up with refined keywords for my further research.

Possible books to be read about KINDNESS

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Caspar Hare presents a novel approach to questions of what we ought to do, and why we ought to do it. The traditional way to approach this subject is to begin by supposing a foundational principle, and then work out its implications. Consequentialists say that we ought to make the world impersonally better, for instance, while Kantian deontologists say that we ought to act on universalizable maxims. And contractualists say that we ought to act in accordance with the terms of certain hypothetical contracts. These principles are all grand and controversial. The motivating idea behind The Limits of Kindness is that we can tackle some of the most difficult problems in normative ethics by starting with a principle that is humble and uncontroversial. Being moral involves wanting particular other people to be better off. From these innocuous beginnings, Hare leads us to surprising conclusions about how we ought to resolve conflicts of interest, whether we ought to create some people rather than others, what we ought to want in an infinite world, when we ought to make sacrifices for the sake of needy strangers, and why we cannot, on pain of irrationality, attribute great importance to the boundaries between people.

Kindness Idea

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This evening, I brainstormed with my boyfriend about how to bring this kindness value into action.

The idea is to create an APP. For now, my target users would be university students first.

University students can use the app to help each other. For example, Lydia needs a help from someone to buy her a food from canteen because she is sick. She can request for a help from the help, and the students with the app active nearby will receive a notification. Then, someone could buy her food from the canteen and deliver it to her location. The helper then, could receive a point, which then can be used to ask for help from others as well.

With this app, I hope that more friendships can emerge, and people become kinder to each other.