Line reference: Overlapping, Smooth, Varying thickness.
Line reference: Thin, Many, Pencil-like, Chiaroscuro.
STAGE II: Hunting for New Pictures
Having been informed that my pictures did not indicate a storyline, I discarded them in a fit of unhappiness and decided to truly get out there and take better pictures. Not without proper thinking, though. Here are my considerations for the hunt:
1) Visual Appeal
4) The Feels (a.k.a what vibes do they give the passive observer?)
5) What does it show about me?
With this criteria, I ventured out with my family members to several spots around the country and came up with these (excludes the final photos):
I did came up with 4 shots at the end of the day . . . or weekend.
Being very aware of my not-so proficient vocal abilities, I decided to provide an alternative form of communication should my thoughts-to-voice processing fail me again. That’ll be the description and analysis, as well as as curt introduction to my work. It’s uploaded before these 2 (BTS) posts were, chances are you’ve already seen it if you are following up with this.
Once again, thanks for spending time to view this. Much appreciated. XD
STAGE I : The first 3 pictures without a consistent storyline.
To represent self in objects is a complicated task. What did I wish to explore about my inner self? What truly shaped my identity in the past 19 years? And why would these objects hold the significance they do? And would they even be intriguing to the target audience, which are my classmates?
Having these questions in mind, I set upon my task of pillaging through my old things, and found a handful of memorabilia with provocative stories to tell.
1) A Letter from a Stalker, In a Fridge
2) Fyodor Dostoyevsky’s The Meek One, With my framed portfolio in the Background
3) The Styrofoam Model of a Hand, With a Black Background
The letter was written to me in March, 2014 by a previous desk-mate in high school. We were never on good terms, having built our relations on competitive grounds; trying to outdo each other in every subject possible. At least, that was what I perceived our relations to be.
It turned out that he had an obsession with me, and wrote this letter describing how he knew the number of shoes that were on my shoe rack back home, and even how the way I walked and the way I did my hair. It was queer to be the object of someone’s obsession, but I respected the sass. As such, I told him to focus on taking care of his parents. I couldn’t possibly ruin the life of a person with stability, I mused.
Upon closer reflection and commentary from my peers, my actions under these circumstances revealed something I never knew about myself. Why was I not terrified? Why was my response interestingly considerate although I did not believe myself to be so? How on earth did I not feel anything remotely drastic from this entire event?
Answer (1 year later): Asexuality, Self-Obsession and High tolerance for anomalies. I must be utterly concentrated on living my own life and being self-absorbed to not realize that it was different for someone else to know the details in your life. Being ostracized for having different conceptions about reality in the earlier part of my life greatly magnified my tolerance for behavioral anomalies. And it is better to be aware of these features of mine than it is to be ignorant.
The Meek One is a tale written by Fyodor Dostoyevsky, best known for his work, Crime and Punishment. This short tale adopts the style of the stream of consciousness of the narrator, which makes the story feel a lot more personal, intimate and unpredictable. The narrator begins his tale by presenting himself as the dominant older male, a proud owner of a pawn shop, who found interest in a poor, meek 19-year old girl (with the looks of a 14-year old) from a background of poverty. He derived amusement from mocking this less fortunate girl, which understandably (from the reader’s perspective) foreshadows his romantic interest in her. As expected, she marries him for his money and they begin their married life together. The story goes on to show the gradual depletion of the narrator’s dominance and increasing submission to his increasingly shrewd wife. The tale ends with her entirely dominating his existence.
So what does this tale mean to me? And what’s with the background portfolio?
My portfolio that stands in the background was done partly as a homage to Vincent Van Gogh (the only crush I ever had) [technique wise], a metaphor for 19 years of my life trapped in the education system [plot] and was greatly inspired by my muse that is my fiance [emotion]. You might be mystified on how these 3 seemingly singular elements connect into 1 project. Let me explain (briefly) . . .
It’s really that simple.
Now assimilate this picture of Madness that stands behind a tale of Dominance turned Submission . . . Voilà! You see how I came to be the Meek One I am today because of the madness that had touched me (though now subsided).
The Styrofoam Hand was the first ever object I purchased at Art Friend. Mind-boggling as it is, there isn’t a deep explanation for why I bought this thing. I was born with hands whose look I didn’t like, although I did like the work they produced. So I decided to give myself a hand (that I actually like) to look at and draw, whenever I feel like it.
CONCLUSION OF STAGE I
You might have noticed that there ain’t any pictures for one to appreciate in this post. I deleted them all in a fit of unhappiness over my work. However, there will be pictures in the next post that is STAGE II, so . . . let’s focus on that instead.
Thanks for reading this dreadfully long process log. I appreciate it.
EDITED ON 1ST SEPTEMBER 2015
I managed to find the photographs after all, so enjoy them. Woot!
Self-Portrait of The αppleBy
Nature is simple to absorb, but difficult to process.
My personal life, much like anybody else’s, has had its fair share of tragedies and mistakes. What’s intriguing is how I found solace in Nature’s embrace from each incident and fluidly converted what was initially terrible to something almost glorious. Isn’t it fascinating how the mere scent of petrichor imbibes one’s negativity as if absorbing moisture? This simplicity of supporting someone or something by mere existence, like Nature herself, is a concept I want to explore with my soul.
On the other hand, it is difficult to fully understand one’s surroundings no matter one’s age. There are always an infinite number of things to learn, always something foreign to our limited knowledge base. We may have the Internet now to source for information, but before the digital age we had only our human resources – texts and scripts that people wrote and published. Perhaps the most valuable instructors in life are the people closest to us, for they hold the greatest influence over the longest period of our lives. We pick up habits, beliefs, ideas from them and these influences shape the way we perceive the world.
The merging of the theme of nature and the people I love thus effectively describes my artistic vision for the world: supportive of all regardless of gender, race or other differences and spiritual an experience.
Individual Description of Photographs
-Cave frames our perspective as the individual by replicating shape of an eye looking out at the open world.
-Little colour present within the cave, mostly outside, forming a huge contrast.
– Light enters the cave to help us look at ourselves (from the perspective within the cave).
-Although we like to believe we are original, our ideas are mere thoughtful linkages we made through interactions with our environment.
-Emotion is mostly felt when we contrast our inner selves with the world out there, and not alone as an individual.
-Although the darkness may be comforting, we are enlightened by our outer reality even about ourselves, be it identity, weaknesses or strengths.
|-Faraway in the distance; surrounded by shrubs and trees that frame the shot-Light falls only on the strip of land where she stands on
-She is cooped up in her own world, whilst being the focus of the beholder
-The presence of my older sister in itself warms the situation, and allow one to be feel fearless even when she’s faraway (in Australia)
-You can trust in her
-Has her own life to lead, but she holds a major influence in mine
Title: Maternal Cradle
–Perspective: Transition from manmade environment into nature’s embrace, guided and supported by family members.
–Feeling: Sense of being in the shadow and shade, more cooling and comfortable spot
-Moving on from an overprotected “artificial” environment into the real world isn’t necessarily a one-man journey. The people you love will continue to play their roles in your lives, if less crucial to your survival than before.
– Protection from the frontline, gradual comfortable change cushioned by familial support
Title: The Unseen Guidance
|–Symbolism: Looks up towards the light, object of interest is out of vision in shot-Frame: Rail trails upward sloping and Trees form a path up|
|-Okay to acknowledge that you do not know everything; that what guides you may seem random/unpredictable/unknown for now; trust in the process-Move on with life|