Self portrait Process to final

Final Self Portrait

 

In this project, we were encouraged to break down parts and characteristics of ourselves and compose them in a self portrait.

After discussing with Lisa, we settled on a concept which focuses on nature and “breaking out”. One of the core concepts is using plants to break out of the existing surface, like how weeds grow through pavements, cracking the tarmac. It is used to symbolize growth, to break through boundaries and restrictions of the physical shell and transcend, growing far and free. I wanted my self portrait to reflect my struggles, and also reflect my will to move on and continue to flourish and thrive despite all that.

I also wanted to include hands, not just because they are a subject that is immensely interesting to study for me, but because their imagery also brings across meanings of flourishing, growth and creation.

So, originally, I proceeded with a terracotta and skin tone palette, rendering the hands with realism and the rest of the body in abstract 2d graphic style. I hoped that through the delicate realism of the hands, I can bring out my meaning of wanting to grow as a person and “break through” flat the wall of the 2d, and create depth and dimension. The graphic styles of plants were also meant to add another layer of “growth” and dimension.

However, after feedback, i was told that the green plants were very jarring and did not fuse well with the rest of the painting. It was narrowed down to two reasons: 1- the color was too contrasting and bright, 2, the flat style of the plant did not fuse well with the dimensional realism of the hand. Also, if creating dimensional realism of the hand is used to evoke “growth” out of the 2d boundary, then placing a 2d plant above the hands seems like a contradiction of my desire to bring out growth through dimensionality.

Halfway through the painting, I decided that I also wanted to include another element, a dog. Look_its_Leia is a dog who was rescued from a birthing center and is now an advocate for animal rights and just treatment. Just last year, she was involved in a local charity event “Tux for Tails” to raise awareness and funds for animal welfare. I wanted to add the dog in, as i felt that the charitable community cause is something i strongly for, and also because the dog’s tale is a story of great tenacity.

However, After creating the dog, I realised that it couldn’t fuse with anywhere in the painting, so i gave up.

I also felt that the color palette didn’t really suit the current state I was in with my life, and the self-portrait did not accurately depict how I felt in this stage. I came across this image online and found that it really resonated with me through the use of chiaroscuro and muted colours. The vast blackness also corresponds to how dim my external situation is right now. 

Therefore, i decided to overhaul my existing painting and re-work on it, re-colouring it till it reaches the suitable mood and tone reflective of myself.

In place of the warm terracotta, there is now an array of cool blue tones, interspersed with purple, like bruised skin. The cracks in the face represent cracks of pain and frustration, and parts of me just seem to lose direction and melt away. There are ominous blues and dark reds in the background, creating a sense of unease, depicting how uncertain the path ahead is.

However, in spite of all that, there is new life and plants growing through, intertwining with the shell that is flawed and broken, depicting how I want to embrace the shell of life which is cruel and challenging, and find the strength to grow and carry on.