Tag: soundscape

Of Trying and Tiring – Documentation

Artist’s statement:

In this installation, the viewer is invited to witness the subjective mind-space as experienced by the artist during increasingly frequent depressive episodes. e embodiment of ‘the cold’ occupies and transforms the mind-space. e artist, trapped in her own madness and the suffocatingly sterile mind- space, seeks ‘the warm’.

Trying/failing.
Trying/tiring.

It is here again.

The viewer, upon entering the work stands between two clocks. The one behind him runs as a normal clock runs. The one in front of him is reflected, as if in a mirror, and runs backward. The viewer understands that the reality presented before him is not reality as perceived by most. Instead, it is a warped and unapproachable reality that the viewer has been invited to (or accidentally stumbled on) witness.

This installation is representative of the artist’s mind-space when experiencing bouts of depressive episodes. This alternative ‘subjective’ space is delineated from the ‘objective real world’ by means of a reflected clock and the blue light emitting from the fluorescent lighting, which contrasts with the warm lighting that occupies the ‘objective real world’.

This blue light, shielded by a mesh guard is an embodiment of the depression, which the artist has come to refer to as The Cold. The Cold sits unobstructedly in the corner, but its presence is strong and acknowledged, enveloping the entire installation space (represented mind-space) in its influence.

The installation features a bedroom, devoid of all furniture but a mattress on the floor and a couple of pillows. On the empty bed rests a section of crocheting – an incomplete blanket. Disembodied hands rest on the crochet, crocheting hook frozen in one hand, yarn still twined around the hook. All is still, as if the occupant of those hands has left for good, or has gone off temporarily. The piece is left abandoned. The hands are tired.

The blanket is connected by yarn to smaller pieces of crochet on the wall – uneven, unshapely, ugly pieces that are the unsuccessful attempts of the artist in her attempt to create the blanket – unsuccessful attempts in creating comfort in defense of The Cold. The artist attempts to create Warmth in a battle against The Cold but is faced with her own failures paraded on the wall like trophies. She is unable to put her own failures behind her, or see past these failed attempts, which suggests a cyclical pattern in the depression she experiences. Sad, therefore creates comfort, but fails, therefore sad, therefore creates comfort…so on and so forth.

This piece is about trying and failing and trying and tiring.

Of trying and tiring: Soundscape

Originally, I wanted to have a performative video piece of myself engaging in a slow process of crocheting the blanket to accompany the installation. However, as the installation came to develop, I realized that I had too many wall-hanging elements and that adding another video onto the wall. Therefore, I needed an intangible element that could add on to the work.

Then, I ventured into sound. And this was when I was fully about to concretise the concept of the installation into a streamlined idea –

This soundscape is a sonic representation of the artist’s struggle with panic/anxiety/depressive episodes. Recently the artist has been having more of these episodes due to various reasons. Each occurrence is terrifying and debilitating and crippling, leaving the artist exhausted and fearing when the next episode would attack.

The soundscape begins with a chilling atmosphere, with whirring sounds. Melodic sequences are then layered upon the consistent whirring. These melodic sequences are unstructured, in order to evoke uncomfortable/ anxious feelings within the viewer. The viewer then understands that the work is sinister in nature. The melodies then continue in fragments, eventually building to a segment where “33 music boxes play at once”. This is the most turbulent part of the soundscape, representing the highest point of fucked uppery that the artist feels. (Feels like there is nothing worth living for/there is no happiness in the world at these moments). Eventually, this segment ends. The storm is over. This is signified by bird song, which give off a more positive vibe. However, the underlying sinister whirring sounds that were repeated throughout the soundscape continue throughout the birdsong, signifying that the underlying illness is still present, that it is never completely gone.