Category: Micro-Project

I Am Not Me

once more do we come to start anew, where
the waves ebb and flow, eroding what it can, with what
little power it has, until the seas dry
up, leaving nothing but flecks of salt, flecks of sand

and just like that, we keep suspending thought
again, and again, till we are decisive, for
you, me, the world, and all of Meaning

we are all ending, in some time, in some place, and
scattered over voids of perceived faith

I wrote this while delirious at 3am a few days back, and only remembered it after taking the video. Surprisingly, it feels like they fit together well.

The alter ego I wish for is one with which I can attain freedom in abstraction. It terrifies me sometimes, the fact that I have a tangible form bound by the constructs of society and laws of the universe. Often, I wish I could become emptiness, unconstrained by rationality, natural in irregularity, aesthetic in imperfection.

I took about 12 minutes worth of footage, and trimmed out a minute. Throughout the video, the kaleidoscope effect is applied, such that I am not me, such that I can reach the abstraction I’ve wished for. My eyes are closed, and I am moving at random without seeing the result. I am also vocalising a random melody which is made up as I go. Both of these reflect the freedom and aesthetic of spontaneity which, I feel, comes with being unconstrained.

Wabi-sabi and sunyata seem to be relevant concepts, incidentally.

Desktop ScreenBANG

I put my sidebar on the right for 1. aesthetic, 2. easy access (if I use touchscreen), and 3. because I prefer to compromise width than height for my window sizes (which would happen with the default sidebar on bottom).

  • Firefox for the Internet, because I love being able to have a lot of control over my privacy settings
  • File Explorer for finding files, because I never save things on my desktop and only put them into the proper folders
  • Paint Tool SAI (a lightweight raster graphics editor), for simple image editing (or sketching, back when I still had a tablet).

My desktop icons are mostly shortcuts to applications which are not significant enough to put on the sidebar, but significant enough that easy accessibility is crucial.

  • Arranged on the left in straight lines to make space for the background image
  • Recycle Bin: In the top left corner due to lack of usage (where it is most unlikely to be clicked due to the location)
  • Adobe Reader for PDF opening (in relatively inaccessible location due to low propensity to open it as is)
  • Adobe softwares for various hobbyist/school works (+Aptana Studio, my open source replacement for Dreamweaver)
  • Game-related softwares for gaming (distribution softwares and emulator)
  • Microsoft Office softwares for work
  • Audacity for sound-related editing

My background typically:

  • Is from an artist I admire (in this case, Deja Vu by NanoMortis)
  • Involves a foreground subject at around 1/3 to the right (to avoid being overlaid with the desktop icons)

I made slight edits, namely:

  • Battery: typically around 70-90% since I tend to avoid falling below 60% if possible, but am wary of spoiling my battery by overcharging at 100%
  • Time: typically around late hours

gotta h̜̩̦̬̭̮̖̘ͨͩͩ̍ä̵̸̛͓̜͈͙̲ͩ̆ͪ̈̈̚ǹ̗̖̤̍͆͒͑̀d̴̖̭ͤ̌ͣͪ͆̋͂̚ it to you :(

 

Sometimes you think your hand is pretty normal, and everyone has to p̶͇̠̟̯͇̪̲̭̩̩̬͒̃͒̾ͯ̏͑͛̒̓̓ͯ́̓͒̀̌̚͝R̡̨̈̎̍̉̿̄̋͊̈̊̓̎ͩͨ͏̢̩̳̺͓͖̮̯̝̥̺̻̤͔̩͇ͅƠ̵̜̟̜̺̹̰̝͎͎̖̟̝̤̹̱̂̂̿͂̎ͪ͂͐͐͂̈́V̧̫̞̩̼̱̪̞͖̼̭̮̹͎̙͖̲͖̀ͩ̓̉͆͂ͩͪ́ͧ̈́͒̾̀ͅĘ̸̴̡̢̣͉̥͚͉͑ͬ̀̍̎ͬͮ̆ͤ̒͆ͣ̈̇̌̒̂̓ ̵̸͍̖̠̲̹͈̪̥͎͓͙̄̂̋͆͋̓̏͂͋̃̿ͫͅŸ͛̃́͗ͬ̅҉̨̨̨͕̬̟̼̤̞̩̩̼͡ͅO̵̗͎̱̜͚̗̥̩̹̻̖͎̝̻̗͇͉̗͓ͮ͆ͪ̅̒̄̏̑̀͊̍̓ͯ̄́̉͜͠U̴̵̝̺̠̺̩̭̣̬ͪ̓ͪ̒̍̀͊̋͌̑ͫ͑̃ͦ̄̇̚ ̨͍̞̭̬͇̺̬̞̟̫̟̖̦̥̟̝̹̒͑̽̎̽ͪͯ̎͐͑̌͂̀ͫ̀̑ͦ̚͝W̡̍͐ͨͧ̓͌́͑̇ͮ̎̈̑͢͝͏̙̬̙̥̙͉͎̟̺͎̩̮̞̥̗̬͈̣Ŗ̨͙̱͈͍̥͍̗̪̗̥̻̞͕̲̠̪͙̈̓̐̅̓̃͒̂̚͟͝͞O̢̤̯̮̫͚̥̊̎̈̈ͥͭ̑ͅͅN̳̫͔̪̦̓̏̈̋̊̚͘͝G̎̌ͨ̍̂͑ͫ͏̗͙̳̯͍̣̟̤̰̘̼͙̘͓͉

It’s so b̢̋̈́̽̏ͯ͒ͤ̂i̒̎͆ͣ͂ͧ̍͂̈́͏҉̷z̸̢͗̿̎͗a̛ͩ̅ͣ͟r͌͌ͦ̈́r̅͂ͦͯ̽͏̷̢ȅ̡ͫ̇ͤͮ͡ how a few simple effects can change the original image so extensively: a hand turned into an outline of a hand, then into waves, and then into just dots and dashes. It’s the stuff of animation, really.

Telematic Embrace, or: a Touchless Touch

The keyword Randall Packer emphasised upon was “negotiation”: our adjacent positions on Adobe Connect made it important to collude with each other in order to achieve the various tasks assigned to us. It takes a while to reach that conclusion, especially where negotiation often connotes the act of “discussing” to reach a consensus, which did not quite happen (as opposed to natural adjustment on everyone’s parts).

Photo courtesy of Randall Packer. We all cooperate to form a cross with our arms.

Nevertheless, it was a pertinent point to bring up. It’s easy enough to “negotiate” because these are trivial enough that we can autopilot to fit each other, but days will come when we’ll have to “move aside” and make changes even if we don’t want to. Or even force others to, if it’s not something we can budge on.

It’s almost disconcerting, regardless, that this is something which is unique to this specific way of framing the spaces we inhabit.

Photo courtesy of Randall Packer. We all hold up pink objects, which become the entirety of our spaces.

For example, holding up something pink in real life would not work because we can still see everything else around us. On the other hand, the nature of the small scale frame makes it possible to make the pink the only existence in our space. Imagine 16 people holding up pink objects in real life, versus here. Surely, the pink becomes more overwhelming in this third space we all share together, because it becomes all of reality.

On a somewhat unrelated note, the layout of screens triggered a distant memory of a video I had watched before, and so I’ve finally re-found it.

This 2016 video shows a debate chaired by Professor Michael Sanders on the topic of national borders. In an interesting twist, however, the panel discussion involves 60 participants from over 30 countries answering in real time, bringing a myriad of opinions, shaped by each individual’s experiences in their various cultures, to the table.

(BBC appears to have a running series of these kinds of debates, which can be found here.)

Featured image courtesy of Randall Packer.